


147 Miles

by celluloiddreams



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-02-26 17:24:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18721597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celluloiddreams/pseuds/celluloiddreams
Summary: There are 10,000 stories about what would have happened if Pam came to her senses either during or shortly after the events of Casino Night. Here's 10,001--complete with several of my favorite tropes. Post Casino Night. Completely AU.





	1. Give Me One Excuse

Jim Halpert took a deep breath the moment he entered his apartment. He had moved into his Seaside Avenue townhouse a little over a month ago and still wasn’t quite used to the change in scenery. Sure, his new place reminded him a lot of the house he shared with his friend Mark in Scranton, but that’s where the similarities ended.

He wasn’t in Scranton anymore. Hell, he wasn’t even in Pennsylvania. He was in Connecticut; Stamford to be exact. He lived only a few blocks from the beach and was renting a townhouse that he was fortunate to find, especially given the urgency of his move.

He no longer had a roommate. He utilized the second bedroom as a home office, but hadn’t done any actual work in the room yet. For the time being, he used the space to store the majority of his sports memorabilia and random trinkets that didn’t fit into the other rooms of his 1,500 square foot townhouse.

He loved the area. There were several biking trails nearby and he could smell the ocean breeze every time he stepped foot outside. There hadn’t been a rainy day since his arrival, although, judging by the looks of the dark clouds that quickly rolled in during his short commute home, he figured that lucky streak would end in a few short hours.

He managed to survive another week.

No.

That wasn’t right.

Survival wasn’t the word he’d use to describe it. Survival was what he did during his three-year stint at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. What he was doing now was something completely different.

Existing.

Yeah, he merely existed these days. While the change of scenery had been more than welcomed and he managed to get along with most of his new co-workers, at the end of the day, he knew that he was merely existing—just navigating his way through life until everything would ultimately click into place and he’d finally be over it.

He’d finally be over her.

Jim snickered as he made his way to his bedroom and tossed his suit jacket on his bed. As he loosened and removed his tie, he realized that he wasn’t any closer to getting over his—

What was it? A crush? No. A crush was something people typically recovered from within a few weeks or months, perhaps, but he had to move two and a half hours away in order to have a chance at semi-normal life. Had it been love? Absolutely. While he had never experienced that particular emotion with anyone else, he knew that he had been in love with her. Truth be told, he still was. He knew it wasn’t something he could easily get over in a few short weeks or even a few months. He had been in love with her from the day he met her. He, Jim Halpert, who once scoffed at the idea that anyone could fall in love so quickly, was forced to accept the fact that it was possible because he had. It merely took three conversations and one lunch date (that wasn’t an actual date) for him to begin his slow descent into hell.

He found her attractive from the moment they met. He felt a connection the moment he first heard her laugh. He wanted to ask her out after their first conversation, but it wasn’t until she mentioned her fiancé at lunch that fateful first day that Jim realized he was already in way too deep with a girl he never stood a chance with.

And yet, over the subsequent three years, he found himself falling further and further under her spell. They became friends—best friends. She talked to him about everything—including ongoing issues in her relationship with her fiancé—and he confided in her about mostly everything.

Everything except the fact that he was head over heels in love with her.

Eventually, her fiancé set a wedding date and it all became too real. He knew he never stood a chance, but what slight odds he did possess began to fade away with every passing day, so he did the one thing he swore he’d never do: he told her how he felt.

And she shot him down.

Then, he overheard her on the phone with someone—her mom, he assumed. By the time she hung up the phone, he made the decision to put it all on the line one final time. Without a word or a second thought, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her.

Reality quickly set in, even as the softness and warmth of her lips offered his fractured heart a moment of comfort. He pulled away, petrified at how she would react to his boldness. Instead of smacking or yelling at him, she took him completely by surprise when she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his.

It was heaven on earth. For those ten perfect seconds, nothing else mattered. There was no hesitation, no fear, nothing to hold them back. Jim had never felt more open or honest with anyone than he had with Pam Beesly in those ten precious seconds.

But like with all dreams, reality came crashing back down, and once again, she rejected him. She told him that she was going to marry her fiancé, Roy.

And that was the end of it.

Even before he made his confession, Jim had already accepted a promotion within the company, one that would take him to Stamford, Connecticut. At first he was hesitant to apply because some part of him wanted to stay in Scranton, to stay by her, but after that night, he knew he had to leave.

One month later, and there he was—alone in his apartment on a Friday night.

It wasn’t so bad. He knew that he would get more comfortable with his surroundings as time passed, and after the crazy week he had at work, he was more than happy to sit in front of his TV for the rest of the night and watch baseball.

After he called in a delivery order for a large pizza at a nearby restaurant, he slipped out of his shoes and wandered into the kitchen in order to grab a beer.

Even though the Stamford branch was a little more conservative than the Scranton one, there were still some big personalities he was struggling to get adjusted to, like his co-worker, Andy Bernard.

Andy was nice enough, but while he was the exact opposite of Dwight in a lot of ways, there was something about him that reminded him a lot of the beet farmer. Perhaps it was the fact that he annoyed Jim almost as much as Dwight did. Whereas his annoyance with Dwight stemmed from his general attitude about everything, what annoyed Jim about Andy was the fact that while the Cornell graduate constantly sang—and almost always slightly off-key—it was the way he spoke about women that drove Jim absolutely crazy. He could tell that the guy was harmless enough, but constantly talking about how he wanted to ‘bone’ certain female co-workers made Jim entirely uncomfortable. If he thought, for even a split second, that Andy would sexually harass one of his co-workers, Jim would have reported him to HR, but as it was, even though he had only known him for a few weeks, Jim could tell that he was harmless. He often wondered if Michael and Andy would get along. The two men had a lot in common, but Jim finally came to the conclusion that even Michael would get annoyed with the constant singing.

After his pizza arrived, Jim went back to his bedroom and changed into a pair of basketball shorts and a plain white t-shirt. He ran his fingers through his tousled hair as he padded back to the kitchen in order to retrieve another beer before he sat down with his dinner.

It was nearly 8:00pm by the time he picked up the first slice.

He had barely taken a bite before he heard a knock on the door.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he chewed his food. He wasn’t expecting any company and he didn’t know anyone in Stamford (aside from his co-workers) that would just stop by unannounced.

Curious, he rose from his seat at the kitchen table and hurried toward the door. He paused long enough to swallow the food in his mouth before he peered through the peephole.

His hand hovered over the doorknob, but froze the moment he recognized who was on the other side.

It was impossible.

It couldn’t be.

It had to be another dream.

If it was a dream, then when the hell did he fall asleep?

His heart slammed against his chest as he turned the knob and opened the door.

There, standing on his front porch in the pouring rain, was one drenched Pam Beesly.


	2. Gotta Learn From Far Away

Pam wasn’t sure how she ended up outside of his apartment, but after two and a half hours of driving, there he stood. She couldn’t help but to think about the last time she stared into those mossy-green eyes—the night she rejected him.

So much had changed since then. There were a million things she wanted to tell him. She tried to call him several times, but whenever April, the receptionist at the Stamford branch, picked up the phone, Pam couldn’t manage to utter a single word. She began to send him a text once, but realized that it would be the most impersonal way to have the most personal conversation. She even attempted to write a letter, but that didn’t feel quite right either.

Earlier that day, Michael kissed Oscar—right on the lips and right in front of the entire office—and the only thing Pam could think about was that she wished Jim had been there to see it. She wanted to tell him all about it: how it happened, how everyone reacted, and how Jan offered Oscar a three-month paid vacation and a company lease on a car in order to avoid a lawsuit. She wanted to tell him about every single thing he missed in the last month.

But most of all, she wanted to tell him that she called off her wedding.

When she first got into her car that afternoon, she thought she’d head home (as she did every other day), but instead, she wound up on I84 headed toward Stamford—toward him.

A few weeks ago, she managed to get his address from Toby. She told the HR representative that she needed Jim’s new address in order to send him the generic ‘We’re-not-getting-married-anymore’ card she had mailed out to everyone else on the guest list, but when the time came for her to drop it in the mail, she couldn’t.

It wasn’t until Jim opened the door that she realized why.

He deserved an explanation. He deserved to know the truth.

So did she.

While the weather had brought unseasonal warmth to the area that week, the rain that currently fell was practically freezing. Even from where he stood, Jim could tell that the temperature had dropped considerably in the last few hours.

Neither said a word as they stared at one another. Jim couldn’t seem to find his voice due to the pure shock he felt at seeing her. Pam couldn’t speak because she wasn’t sure where to begin.

When she began to shiver, Jim snapped out of his daze. “C-Come in,” he stammered as he held the door open wide enough for the drenched woman to enter his apartment.

“T-Thanks,” she trembled as tried to wipe some of the rainwater off of her face.

“Um…I’ll…I’ll get you a towel.” God. Why was it suddenly so difficult for him to form even the most basic of sentences? Before she could respond, he took the stairs two at a time as he headed towards the upstairs bathroom.

Pam rubbed her arms in an attempt to generate some body heat while Jim disappeared upstairs. As she waited, she began to realize how ridiculous this was. She never intended to drive to Stamford that Friday evening, but by the time she realized where she was headed, she knew that this was exactly what she had to do. As Stamford inched closer and closer, doubt and panic set in, but she had already driven this far. She had to see it through—no matter how certifiably insane she seemed.

A minute later, Jim jogged down the stairs, a towel and a change of clothes in his hands. “I wasn’t sure if you’d…you might want to change into something that wasn’t completely soaked.” He could feel himself blush as he handed her the items. Truth be told, he had imagined Pam clad in his own clothes on more than one occasion, but he had to admit that in all of his fantasies, it never started out quite like this. _‘Shut up,’_ he thought to himself. _‘That’s the last thing you need to think about right now.’_

“Oh…um…thanks.” She looked down at the clothes. “I…might take you up on that…actually. I don’t…I don’t have…anything in my car.” She wanted to blame her stammering on the fact that she was freezing, not because of the guy who stood in front of her.

“Oh, ok.” They stood in awkward silence for a moment before Jim remembered that Pam hadn’t stepped foot inside of his apartment before. “Um…the guest bathroom is down there,” he gestured toward the hallway next to the stairs. “Only door on the right.”

She nodded. “Thanks.”

After she wandered off in the direction of the guest bathroom, Jim noticed that there was a small pool of water in the place where she previously stood. Grateful to have something to do, he went to the kitchen and grabbed a dishtowel before he came back to the entryway and mopped it up. As he wiped the floor, his thoughts finally caught up to him.

What the hell was she doing in Stamford?

* * *

 

Pam swore at herself the entire time she was in the bathroom. Of course she wouldn’t be able to speak her peace in her own damn clothes. Of course she’d get caught in a torrential downpour and look like a drowned rat when she saw him. Of course he’d be polite and offer her a change of clothes before he kicked her out of his apartment.

_‘No.’_

She closed her eyes and she placed her hands on the bathroom counter before she leaned forward and lowered her head. Jim wouldn’t do that. Even though she broke his heart—even though he left without a word—she knew he’d never throw her out without giving her a chance to explain why she was there in the first place.

It was one thing she always loved about him: no matter how mad or hurt he was, he always found a way to listen to her.

The problem was that she wasn’t sure what she was going to say. Even now, as she looked at herself in the mirror, she wasn’t sure where to begin. Slowly, she peeled off her sopping blouse and skirt and slipped on a pair of light-blue stripped pajama bottoms and plain black t-shirt. She rolled the waistband of the pants down a few times so she wouldn’t trip over the material that completely covered her feet.

The last thing she needed was to fall flat on her face in front of him.

She took a deep breath as she pulled the barrette out of her hair. She ran her fingers through her damp locks as she tried to figure out what to do with her hair. She knew that it would become even frizzier once it dried, but there was little she could do to fix it. She didn’t have a hair tie with her and trying to style it with just a barrette would probably do more harm than good. Besides, she’d look absolutely ridiculous if she tried to pin her hair back with that clip while wearing pajamas.

_‘No,’_ she reluctantly decided, _‘down and frizzy will have to do.’_

She turned on the faucet and ran her fingers underneath the water before she tried to remove the smudged mascara that circled her sleep-deprived eyes. She never wore much makeup, but what little she applied that morning had been completely ruined by the storm.

 After trying to wash it off the best she could, Pam picked up the towel and wiped the excess water off of her face. She then proceeded to wash her hands while she tried to figure out what, exactly, she wanted to happen next. She knew he’d ask why she was there and she knew she needed to give him an answer.

But was she ready to tell him the truth?

* * *

After Pam emerged from the bathroom, she made her way back toward the front door, soggy clothes and shoes in hand. Her feet were freezing on the hardwood floor, but she felt much more comfortable and warmer in the oversized clothes her lent her. She briefly wondered how long she’d smell like that—like him. While his clothes smelled mostly like the same fabric softener she used, she could also detect a hint of his unique scent on them. It had been a month since she had experienced that—had been surrounded by the very essence of him. Now, she was practically enfolded by it.

It felt comforting—intoxicating even.

She peered into the living room and furrowed her eyebrows when she didn’t immediately find him. “Jim,” she called out.

“In here,” he responded from the kitchen.

Pam followed the sound of his voice as she wandered through the living room and—finally—into the kitchen. His back was turned toward her as he fumbled around with something on the stove. “I wasn’t sure where to put these.” For some reason, she gestured to the clothes in her arms despite the fact that she was well aware he couldn’t see her. She snickered under her breath at how ridiculous the gesture had been.

Jim turned back to look at her and—for the second time in the last ten minutes—completely froze.

He had only seen her hair down a few times over the course of their friendship. The curls that framed her face, though damp from the rain, beckoned to him. The desire to close the space between them and run his fingers through it had never been stronger. He swallowed harshly as he tried to quell the urge. They hadn’t even _seen_ one another since that night, let alone had spoken. He wasn’t about to throw himself at her—again. Jim cleared his throat as his gaze fell to the pile of clothes in her hands. “Oh, I can wash those…um…if you want me to?”

Pam looked down at her rumpled clothes. “You don’t have to.”

“If you don’t mind…waiting that is…I’d be happy to.”

She nodded. “Ok.”

Jim said nothing more as he closed the space between them and took the clothes from her. Before he jogged upstairs to put the clothes in the wash, he sat her shoes next to the vent at the bottom of the staircase.

Pam chewed on her bottom lip as she waited for him to return. She was surprised that he hadn’t immediately asked her why she was there. Actually, he seemed much more concerned about her well being than by the fact that she was in Stamford to begin with.

It helped. After all, she still had no idea what she was going to say. She was a complete bundle of nerves and confusion and—

The kettle Jim must have placed on the stove while she was in the bathroom began to whistle.

The sound immediately snapped Pam out of her thoughts. She went over to the stove and turned the burner off before she sat the kettle on a different burner. She didn’t want to start rummaging through his kitchen cabinets, but it seemed fairly obvious that he was trying to make some sort of hot beverage.

Desperate to do anything other than stand there like an idiot, Pam opened a couple of cabinets until she found one that held a handful of mugs. She smiled as she picked up the mug he used to always use at the office. She traced over the design as she remembered all of the times he brought her a cup of coffee when he went to get one for himself. He would always bring it back to her desk then stand across from her, mug in hand, while they discussed their weekend plans or how best to annoy Dwight on any given day.

Those mornings always meant a lot to Pam. It was how she got to know Jim without any of her other co-workers around. It was how they became friends in the first place.

“I was going to…I wasn’t sure if you’d want…some tea or something,” Jim fumbled as he walked back into the kitchen.

She looked over at him. “Oh. Um…yeah. Sorry. I heard the kettle and thought I would try to…help.”

He gave her a small smile. “Well, I don’t have much. I do most of my grocery shopping on Saturdays, but I did order a pizza,” he gestured to the box on the kitchen table.

“Oh my God,” Pam groaned when she saw the pizza box. “Did I interrupt your dinner?”

“Only a little.” Truthfully, he had forgotten all about it the moment he saw her standing outside his door. He turned back to look at her. “But that’s why God invented the microwave, right?”

Pam softly chuckled before she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“What do you say, Beesly? Care to try the best pizza Stamford has to offer?”

Her heart fluttered when he called her by the nickname he had given her nearly three years ago. Had it only been a month since she last heard it? It seemed like a lifetime ago. She lifted the right corner of her lips into a smirk as she walked towards the table. “Oh, yeah. I mean…I’ve always heard that,” she looked at the name of the restaurant on the pizza box, “Remo’s Brick Oven Pizza Company was the best pizza in Connecticut. What a coincidence that you just so happened to have,” she opened the lid, “a pepperoni and meatball pizza.” She looked up at him as she grinned. “I always heard that was their specialty.”

Jim chuckled. “Well, you’re lucky I’m in the mood to share.” He gestured to the chair next to her. “Now, if you’re done making wise cracks, pull up a chair and help me eat it.”

Pam continued to smile as she sat down at the table. She watched as Jim pulled out a couple of plates and sat them on the table.

“What do you want to drink? As I briefly mentioned a few minutes ago, there’s tea. I also have water, soda, beer—" 

“Beer’s good,” she quickly replied. Jim hesitated for a moment, slightly surprised by her answer, but quickly regrouped when he decided that he needed another beer as well.

He wanted to ask why she was there, but figured it could wait until after they ate. After all, her clothes were currently soaking in the washing machine. There was no way she’d drive all the way back to Scranton in his pajamas.

Right?


	3. You're Haunting Me

“So, this is how Jim Halpert spends his Friday nights,” Pam teased as they settled down on Jim’s couch after dinner. Even though they sat on opposite ends, Pam was still astonished by the fact that they were even in the same room, let alone sitting on the same piece of furniture.

Jim shrugged. “Not everyone can handle my social calendar, Pam.” He smirked before he took a swig of his beer. It all felt so surreal. Pam was in Stamford. Pam was in his living room. Pam was clad in his pajamas. What alternate reality had he stepped into?

“Oh, yeah,” she nodded in agreement. “I mean…I can barely keep up as it is.” She pulled her knees up to her chest as she angled herself in order to face him. She ran her fingers through her tangled locks before she wrapped her arm around her legs. “But you’re all settled in now, it seems.”

“Yeah,” he looked around the room. “Everything’s unpacked. I really lucked out with this place.”

“I’ll say,” she nodded as she scanned the space around them. It wasn’t at all how she imagined it. She had pictured something similar to the house he shared with Mark back in Scranton, but the townhouse was definitely a newer construction, complete with several amenities anyone would be hard pressed to find in Scranton. “Not to mention the fact that you’re only a few blocks away from the beach.” She looked at him. “I saw the most incredible sunset on my way here, and I just…I mean…you can just go and watch it set over the water every single day if you wanted to.”

“Yeah,” he looked down at the bottle in his hand. “Watching it rise is pretty amazing too.” How many mornings had he gotten up early just to walk down to the shore and watch the sun rise? An easier question would be how many times had he not done that? He only did it that first morning because his new boss, Josh, told him that it would alter his outlook on life. Desperate to try anything to get Pam and Scranton off of his mind and alleviate his homesickness, he wandered toward the shore at 5:30 that first Saturday morning.

While he thought of little else but Pam that morning—and every morning since—Josh had been right. The bitterness he felt over his departure and what happened that night began to fade. Watching the sunrise every morning brought him the clarity he knew he needed. He had no right to assume that she would drop everything and run to him. He had no right to demand something of her that was never his to receive. He hated how he left things with her and was more than a little embarrassed by his actions that night.

Still, while he had begun to make peace with all of those decisions, he had yet to figure out a way to get the woman who sat beside him off of his mind.

“I’ll bet.” She could feel her palms begin to sweat. Sooner or later, the conversation would shift and she’d have to make a move, one way or another. She took a sip of her beer before she rubbed her knee with her free hand in an attempt to dry her suddenly clammy palm. “So, uh…how’s work going?”

“It’s…going.” He angled his body so that he could face her. He had long since muted the TV. He was way more interested in conversing with the woman before him than watching the Phillies lose—again. “It’s…different than Scranton. There are different personalities and the overall environment is more…”

“Professional,” she offered.

He chuckled. “Something like that.”

“So…new job…new apartment…new town…new Jim Halpert?”

He lifted his arms over his head before he pointed down to himself. “I’m evolving, Pam.” When she laughed, her bangs softly draped over her eyes. As she casually swept them back, Jim swallowed harshly. God, he wanted to reach out and do that—just once.

Pam noticed how quickly his smile fell. As a result, her laugher slowly faded as an uncomfortable silence fell between them. They both knew this was it. They had skirted around the issue long enough. Pam’s clothes were in the dryer. In about fifteen short minutes, she could be changed and on the road back to Scranton—as long as the conversation didn’t go south before then. If it did, her work clothes would merely become a casualty in an effort to get back to Pennsylvania as soon as humanly possible. Her lips formed a thin line as she looked down at her lap. “I’m…I guess you’re probably wondering why I’m here.”

Jim could sense how anxious she seemed. He was just as nervous—if not more so—but still, he couldn’t resist trying to ease the growing tension between them. He knew they couldn’t avoid the topic forever, but damn, it was nice to pretend—just for a little while—that the last several weeks had never happened. “The thought has crossed my mind once or twice.”

She gave him a soft, appreciative smile while she tried to compose her thoughts. “Um…so…I was at work earlier and I had to stay a little late because Michael refused to sign timecards because he was so worked up about an argument he had with Jan.” She shook her head. “That’s beside the point. So, 5:30 rolls around and he signs off on them and finally, I can get in my car and go home and…” she looked around the room, “do this, actually.”

“What,” he smiled. “Drink beer and watch baseball?”

She ran her fingers through her hair. “Something like that.” She paused as she slowly inhaled and lowered her gaze. “So, I get in my car and the next thing I know, I’m on I-84.”

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “Ok…”

“I guess what I’m trying to say…and failing horribly…is that…I’m not entirely sure why I’m here.” She waited a beat for him to say something—to get angry or laugh at her—but when he did neither, she finally looked up at him. He seemed confused, but more than that, he seemed interested in hearing whatever it was that she had to say.

She quickly looked back down at her hands. “Um…there are some things that I…I’ve been wanting to tell you. I guess the first is…and I’m not sure whether or not you’ve already heard about it, but I…um…I broke up with Roy.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows in surprise. He had been so shocked by the fact that she was there that he never once thought to look at her left ring finger. He knew that her wedding was only a few weeks away. In fact, with every passing day, as the date inched closer and closer, he became more and more nauseous.

She really called it off?

He didn’t dare say anything. He wanted to hear everything she wanted to tell him.

“I mailed these…cards out to everyone we invited a few weeks ago, but when it came time to mail yours I just…I couldn’t seem to do it.”

“Why,” he asked before he could stop himself.

“I shouldn't have been with Roy.” She finally blurted out as she shook her head. Why did it take her this long to realize it? “And…there were a lot of reasons to call of my wedding.” She could hear her heart beat pounding in her ears. She had never felt this vulnerable before—with anyone. She hadn’t seen him in a month, but as the words tumbled from her mouth, she was no longer terrified to utter them. She took a deep breath before she looked up at him. “But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you.”

There were a lot of things he expected her to say, but never, in his wildest dreams, had he imagined any of this. What did that mean? Did it mean what he thought it might mean? He quickly tried to control the hopefulness he felt bubbling up in his chest at her words. She drove all the way from Scranton to tell him this? It had to mean something.

Right?

* * *

The next few minutes passed in complete silence. Jim was still trying to process what she said while Pam was trying to read the emotionless expression on his face.

Had she been too late?

With every passing second, her confidence began to waver more and more. Despite the fact that she began to believe that her realization came too late, she knew she’d never regret telling him the truth. She had wrestled with it for far longer than she even knew. In fact, she couldn’t pinpoint when it was that she first developed feelings for Jim. Had they always been there or had they grown so steadily that the line between friendship and something more had been blurred for months, or perhaps, even years?

It only took her a few days after Jim’s confession to end her relationship with Roy. By that time, Jim had already transferred to Stamford and Pam thought for certain that was the end of, well, everything. He left. He walked away. Even if this didn’t lead to anything, even if they could only walk away as friends, then the drive was well worth it. He had to know.

He deserved to know.

They both remained silent as Jim took a few more swigs of his beer.

As time crept on, Pam could feel the pressure she had inadvertently placed on Jim to respond to her confession. While she would never regret what she said, she was beginning to regret the unforeseen repercussions of her revelation. She didn’t want him to feel obligated to respond. She didn’t want to pressure him into saying something he may not feel anymore. She cleared her throat. “It’s been a month since I’ve seen you…since we’ve talked and…I miss you.” She chewed on her bottom lip as she nervously ran her fingers through her hair once more. “You were my best friend before you…moved here…and I just…I really miss you.” Her gaze fell to the bottle in her hand.  

Jim was still reeling from her confession. He wasn’t sure what she was trying to say. She missed him? Well, that was a good thing, he supposed, because he missed her, too. She thought of him as her best friend? That was also good because before that night—and even after if he were to be perfectly honest with himself—he considered her to be his best friend. It was the part about her not caring about the reasons why she should break up with Roy before he came along. What did that mean? Did it mean that he had been able to offer her enough friendly advice about the guy over the last few years or did it mean that he had been able to open her eyes to the fact that she deserved so much more than she was receiving from that relationship or—

He quickly stood up.

No. He had gone down that road before. He couldn’t allow hope to creep back into his heart. It nearly destroyed him last time and if he allowed it to happen again, he feared he might not ever recover from it.

He looked down at the half-empty bottle of beer. “I…uh…am going to go get another one.” When he turned his attention to her, he noticed that she was still staring at the bottle in her hands. “Do you want one?”

Pam didn’t say anything, only nodded before she took another sip. She still had about a third of it left, but given the way their conversation was headed, she knew she’d need another. After that, she’d cut herself off because she had a long drive ahead of her and the last thing she needed was to get a DWI on top of everything else.

After a moment, she heard the dryer buzz from where—she assumed—it was located on the floor above her. She stared at the ceiling for several seconds. Her clothes were dry. She didn’t have a reason to stay any longer. She told him what she had to and knew that her spontaneous trip to Stamford was coming to an end. Besides, it was getting late and she had a long drive ahead of her.

When she heard the refrigerator door close, she snapped out of her reverie. No, she couldn’t leave it like this. She had to know what he was thinking. Before she left, before she returned to a life that no longer had him in it, she had to hear Jim Halpert confirm her worst fear: that he no longer had any feelings for her.

She pulled herself up from the couch and—with quaking limbs and the permanent pit in her stomach rapidly swelling to the size of a watermelon—headed toward the kitchen.


	4. Permission to Love

Jim had barely placed his hand on the refrigerator door before he suddenly leaned forward and pressed his forehead against the appliance. How easy had it been to fall back into their old camaraderie? The last month—hell, the last several months—quickly disappeared as they playfully teased one another throughout dinner. It was apparent that they each took great care in avoiding any subject that could easily be traced back to the reason why she was there, but hearing her laugh—seeing her smile again—far outweighed the few moments of awkwardness they encountered during their meal.

And then, she finally told him why she was there.

And he couldn’t figure out how to process it, let alone how to respond.

She called off her wedding.

She missed him.

She said that she missed his friendship, but she also said he was—at the very least—part of the reason why she broke up with Roy.

He knew that she was waiting for him to respond, but he wasn’t sure how. He certainly missed their friendship. He definitely missed her. God, the last month had felt so surreal—like he was living someone else’s life. He constantly had to stop himself from calling her. On numerous occasions, he had to force himself to stay in Stamford and not drive all the way back to Pennsylvania just to get a glimpse of her.

And then, on the most unexpected of days, she showed up on his doorstep.

She was here now.

She sat on his couch and told him something that he had only ever dreamt of hearing.

But what did it mean?

When he heard the dryer buzz, he sighed. Her clothes were dry. At any moment, she would leave and then what? How long would it be until he saw her again? A few months? A few years? Ever? He knew that this could very well be the last time he’d ever see her.

He opened the refrigerator and pulled two more beers out. God, would he ever get the mental image of her clad in his clothes out of his mind?

He placed the beers on the counter before he opened his junk drawer and pulled out a bottle opener. One reason why he left the way he did was to avoid the very thing he’d be forced to face now: he’d have to find a way to say goodbye to her.

He was prying the cap off of the second beer by the time Pam entered the kitchen. He was mildly surprised by her sudden appearance, but quickly assumed that she must have heard the dryer stop and came to inform him that she’d be leaving as soon as she changed clothes. When he looked up, he could see the hour he thought he had left with her shrivel down to just few short minutes. Was this is? Was she about to tell him goodbye?

“Why did you transfer?”

He furrowed his eyebrows as he lowered his gaze to the floor. He placed the bottle opener on top of the small island in front of him. “What?”

Her heart nearly plummeted to her stomach when he broke eye contact with her. She watched him for a long moment as he stared at the ground underneath him. She needed to see something—a sign that she wasn’t completely wrong in her assessment of the situation.

Finally, just as she was about to give up all together, he clenched his jaw. “You…you apparently told Toby and Michael that it was a good career move…that it was a promotion…but you once told me that you…that you never wanted to be promoted because then…” she cleared her throat, “…that would…make it a career.”

“I said that a long time ago.” He placed both of his hands on the island before he forced himself to look up at her. He knew his expression was unreadable and was more than thankful that he had managed to perfect the art of it over the last month. It was safer this way. Maybe if he pretended that he didn’t care, then it wouldn’t hurt so much. She was mere minutes away from waltzing out of his life.

How the hell was he supposed to say goodbye to her?

Pam crossed her arms over her chest. She knew that this was it. They were at a crossroads and the next few minutes would determine their path, if they even had one. “So, that was it then? The only reason why you left…was because it was a good career move?”

He gripped the counter. Despite the fact that every nerve inside of him screamed out that he should lie to her, he knew he couldn’t. She drove a hundred miles to tell him about what happened with Roy. She had been completely honest with him. The least he could do—no matter how much it hurt—was to return the favor. “You know why I left.”

The intensity of his stare made Pam shift her weight from one foot to the other while she dug her fingernails into her arms. While she suspected that she was part of the reason, she needed to hear him confirm it. A chill rippled down her spine when she noticed that Jim had gripped the edge of counter a little tighter. The urge to reach out to him had never been stronger, but she forced herself to stand perfectly still until he told her the truth. “I don’t. I—I…maybe I know part of the reason…but tell me, Jim. Please. Tell me why you left. Tell me why you moved to—“

“I couldn’t just sit there and watch you marry him!” He closed his eyes before he lowered his head once more. He gripped the counter so tightly that his knuckles had turned completely white. He was well aware of the fact that Pam was inching closer to him.

God.

If she came much closer, he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d do. Something dumber than what happened on Casino Night. That much was certain. “Pam,” his voice was low and laced with heavy emotion for the woman who stood before him. “I was drowning.” He opened his eyes, but refused to look at her. If he did, he wouldn’t be able to get the words out. “For years, I tried to accept what I was to you. I was…just a friend. And I…I tried to move on. I tried to do everything I could to get you out of my head, but nothing worked. And then you started to plan your wedding and…God…you seemed so happy. A couple of weeks before I left, I realized that...that…taking a trip…going to Australia for a week wasn’t going to solve the problem. I needed to find a way to get over you and…and in order to do that…I needed to be a hundred miles away.”

She knew that her heart couldn’t possibly beat any faster than it was at that moment. “147,” she softly corrected before she took a few steps closer to him.

His frown deepened. Out of everything he had just confessed, that was her response? “What?”

“From the office to your front door, it’s 147 miles. Trust me. I made the drive a couple of hours ago.” She placed her hand on the countertop, mere inches from where his right hand still gripped the edge of the island. “Tell me,” her voice quivered. This was it. It was all or nothing. She had nothing to lose and everything to gain. “Did it work?”

He slowly lifted his head before he finally met her gaze. “Did what work?”

He was going to make her say it, wasn’t he? It was too late to retreat now, and—despite the fact that she had no idea how he’d respond—she didn’t want to. No matter what happened next, she knew the trip to Stamford would be worth it because at the very least, she would gain some closure. “Have you moved on? A-Are you over it…over me?”

He didn’t respond. He didn’t need to. Pam saw the answer reflected in his gaze. He seemed so tortured by it all. She hated that it took her this long to actually see it. As she continued to analyze his stare, she began to detect something underneath all of the pain and longing—a look she immediately recognized. She had seen it a hundreds of times before. It was a look she never allowed herself a moment to decipher until now. Before she could even think about it, she placed her hand over his. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me three years to do it.”

She had lost him again. He had no idea what she was talking about. It took her three years to do what exactly? Have this conversation? “To do what?”

Her heart rang in her ears. She had never been this anxious in her entire life. It was all on the line now, and Pam Beesly, the girl who used to actively run away from change, made the biggest decision of all: she placed her hands on either side of his face before she rose up on her tiptoes and kissed him.

She had kissed him before. There was that drunken kiss at Chili’s during the Dundies last year, not to mention the kiss she willingly reciprocated during Casino Night, but this—this was different. This wasn’t a spur of the moment decision or the echo of a goodbye. This was a confession, a beginning, a plea for him to forgive her trepidation and give her another chance.

Jim was shocked by the gesture, but quickly recovered the moment he felt her lips move against his. He wrapped his arms around her waist as he lowered his head in an effort to get closer to her. There was a small part of him that screamed for him to stop, to wake up because it wasn’t possible that this was actually happening, but the moment he heard Pam sigh and open her mouth against his, all doubts about the reality of the situation faded away.

She was actually here. She was standing in his kitchen, clad in his pajamas, kissing him.

The initial softness of her kiss melted into a sense of urgency the second her tongue slipped past his lips. The moment the tip of her tongue touched his, what little remained of Jim’s fortitude finally shattered. He quickly pulled her up and sat her down on the countertop. His hands slid down her back while her fingers slipped into his soft curls.

She thought that her heart would stop pounding the moment he returned her kiss with one of his own, but instead, it intensified. When she felt her feet leave the floor, she thought her heart had stopped beating all together.

She had dreamt of this exact moment for far longer than she’d ever admit to herself, but God, reality was so much better than any dream. Neither of their previous encounters had gone this far, and yet they seemed to be perfectly in sync with one another. She widened her legs to allow him to inch even closer to her. Their bodies were practically flush against one another as they continued to kiss. When her hands travelled down his chest, his hands slid up her back.

For several minutes, they were content just to touch, to explore the feel of one another underneath their fingertips. The longing they felt didn’t diminish. In fact, the desire to get closer only intensified as Pam and Jim desperately tried to not to push the other one too far. They weren’t sure what the rules were or what they were doing. All they knew was that they wanted it to last for as long as humanly possible.

Just when it appeared as if they were at a stalemate, Pam, still riding high from the dividends her other decisions had disbursed, slowly slipped her fingers underneath the hem of Jim’s t-shirt.

The moment he felt her fingertips graze against his bare skin, he moaned. As she began to memorize the way his skin felt underneath her fingers, Jim decided to press his luck when he lowered his right hand to Pam’s hip. His fingers slowly inched up underneath her— _his_ —shirt. When Pam hissed in delight as his fingers brushed against her skin, he knew exactly where this was headed.

The charge his touch sent throughout Pam’s entire body was more intense than any so-called orgasm Roy had given her over the course of their ten year courtship. The aftershock of adrenaline she felt as a result prompted her to grip the hem of his shirt with both hands and yank the garment over his head.

Their lips parted for the first time since Pam’s initial kiss when she pulled his shirt off. They stared into one another’s eyes for a brief moment, both slightly breathless, both fueled by an urge they had been forced to suppress for years. Everything came rushing to the surface as Jim’s hands promptly returned to the hem of her shirt. She immediately understood his unspoken question and nodded twice before he pulled the top off of her.

The moment her shirt hit the floor, Jim lost all ability to form a cohesive thought. Pam was here. She was sitting on his counter, clad in a black lace bra and his pajama pants. Damn. How many times had he fantasized about this before?

And how was it possible that out of all of those fantasies, in all of those daydreams, he had completely and utterly failed to capture her perfection?

While Pam had taken a moment to admire Jim’s torso, when it came time for Jim to return the favor, she felt some of her insecurities surface. Just as she was about to cross her arms over her chest in order to cover herself up, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in the crook of her neck.

Pam closed her eyes as he slowly began to kiss her neck. God, it felt so good. Too good. Before she lost all sense of control—and she knew that it was inevitable that she would—she felt the cool marble of the countertop underneath her fingers. As tempting as it was, she didn’t want her first time with Jim to be in his kitchen. She was having difficulty catching her breath due to the fact that Jim already seemed to know all of her erogenous zones and was determined to pay homage to every single one of them whether it was with his mouth or his fingers. Just before she gasped for the third time, she managed to breath out a soft, “Bedroom?”

Jim was well aware of the fact that they were half-naked in his kitchen. The throbbing he felt underneath his shorts was proof of that, but it wasn’t until he heard her breathy question that he fully realized what was about to transpire between them. He was grateful that she said something, even as he continued to kiss a trail along her collarbone. Although it was a fantasy of his, he wasn’t about to let their first time be on his kitchen counter.

Absolutely not.

He wasn’t sure what the consequences would be, and at that moment, he didn’t really care. He only knew that if this was his one night with her, he was going to make sure that he left a lasting impression. He wanted every square inch of her body to cry out for him. He wanted the scent of her to be permanently etched onto his soul. He wanted to leave no trace of doubt in her mind that he was more in love with her now than he had ever been before.

He took a step back as he finally forced himself to pull away from her. His hands still gripped her waist, but instead of helping her down from the counter, he lifted her once again. This time, Pam wrapped her legs around his hips as he guided them toward his bedroom.


	5. All My Safest Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not good with writing this kind of thing (and I'm painfully aware of the fact), but I'm trying to broaden my horizons and write about situations that I find challenging from a writing perspective. Soooooo, yeah. Here's this chapter and the reason for the rating on this fic. Idk. Sorry if it's disappointing.

* * *

 

In any other circumstance, Pam would have taken the time to properly assess Jim’s bedroom. After all, she did purposefully linger behind on the tour of his house in Scranton in order to get a closer look at his bedroom. At the time, she simply wanted to know more about him—everything she could possibly unearth. Now, as Jim slowly navigated them around the darkened room, she realized that the only thing she wanted to know at the moment was how he’d feel inside of her.

She pressed her lips to the back of his ear as he inched closer to the bed. When Jim moaned in response, Pam smiled softly against his skin. Nearly a year ago, she went to the refrigerator to grab something while they were at lunch and she couldn’t help but notice the way Jim ran his fingers through his hair. She had seen him do it a million times before, but that was the first time she wondered what it would be like to kiss him there. There wasn’t anything particularly unique or thrilling about it. It was just a small patch of skin that usually remained hidden underneath his tousled locks. 

She had dreamt about it far too often—especially for a woman who was engaged at the time—but now, as her bare left ring finger eagerly reminded her, she didn’t need to keep fantasizing about it.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, she was screaming that this wasn’t a dream, that her legs were really wrapped around Jim’s half-naked form. The moment he stopped walking, she realized that their bare torsos were pressed tightly against one another.

This was actually happening.

This wasn’t just a dream.

Jim wasn’t faring much better. The same thoughts kept repeating in his mind the entire trip up the stairs and toward his room, but the moment she pressed her lips to his neck, all thoughts ceased to exist. Jim’s body wouldn’t allow him to chalk this moment up to a dream. The woman in his arms electrified every sense he had. He could feel the current flowing through his veins as his fingers mapped out the curvature of her spine. He could her hear breathy sighs at every connection his lips made to her skin. All he could breathe in was the perfect blend of honey and lavender that was uniquely Pam. They were illuminated by a sliver of moonlight that had spilled into the otherwise darkened room. He marveled at how the soft light cast the perfect silhouette of her face when he leaned back to look at her.

He knew what she said downstairs, but he had to be sure. She didn’t say a word, didn’t move as their eyes conveyed everything they felt at that exact moment. They weren’t on the same page back in Scranton. In fact, they weren’t even reading the same book, but now, as he allowed himself a moment to memorize how ethereal she looked at this exact moment, he knew he’d wait a thousand lifetimes for her.

He swallowed as he slowly lowered her onto the bed. Four hours ago, he wasn’t sure that he’d ever see her again, and here they were.

He wasn’t about to screw it up again.

When Pam felt the softness of his comforter underneath her, she smiled at him. As he sank down beside her, she sat up and reached behind her in order to unhook her bra. She stopped the moment Jim placed his hands on top of hers. “Let me,” he hoarsely commanded before he lowered her hands.

She had never heard his voice sound like that before. It was deep, rough, and completely hypnotizing. The sound immediately sent a ripple of pleasure throughout her entire body.

Goose bumps formed down her back when his fingers lightly brushed against her spine. She knew he must have realized the effect his touch had on her because he moved his hands away from the band of her bra in order to lightly run them down her arm. When she shivered in response, he chuckled.

“Is something funny?”

She frowned when he suddenly pulled away from her. A few seconds later, she heard a click and had to squint her eyes as he turned on the lamp that sat next to his bed. While she tried to adjust her vision to the sudden, albeit soft, light, Jim ran his fingers down her back. When she involuntarily shivered once more, his lips curled up into a smile. “I love that I have that effect on you.”

“Shut up,” she mumbled as she rolled her eyes at him. “I can’t help it." 

Jim’s smile slowly faded as he stared at her. “I don’t want you to,” he told her earnestly. As his fingers continued to dance along her spine, Pam felt another rush of desire overcome her. How was he able to do that?

Unable to wait anymore, she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He braced her lower back with his left hand while his right swiftly unhooked her bra. While Pam struggled to free her arm out of one of the straps, Jim hooked his index finger under the other and easily slid it down her arm.

That gesture alone made Pam wetter than she had ever been in her life.

He pressed her back against his bed as he hovered over her. “Are you sure,” he murmured into her ear.

She nodded. It was hard to believe that she had to confirm the fact that she wanted this despite the fact that her body had already betrayed her, but she understood why. She was the one who rejected him in Scranton. It made sense that he would want every reassurance in the world that this—that he—was what she wanted. “Yes,” was her soft reply. “More than anything.” God. Her entire body felt like it was on fire and he hadn’t even touched her yet.

Jim began to kiss a trail from her neck, down to her chest, over her ribcage, and down to her navel before he hooked his fingers underneath the waistband of her—his—sweatpants. When he looked up at the goddess who laid underneath him, he marveled at the sight before him. Her eyes were closed, her lips slightly parted, as her hair fanned out on the pillow beneath her head. Even if he lived to be a hundred, he’d never forget how she looked at that exact moment. He slowly slid the oversized pajama pants off, quickly followed by the black lace underwear that matched the bra he discarded minutes earlier.

He sat back on his heels and took a moment to admire the view before him.

God, this woman was perfection in human form.

When she felt the loss of physical contact between herself and him, Pam slowly opened her eyes and met his stare. Despite the look of complete and utter devotion she found in his gaze, Pam’s self-consciousness quickly took control. She had never felt more exposed in her entire life and couldn’t help but to be beyond petrified, because this was Jim. _Jim Halpert_. When the scrutiny of his gaze became too much for her to bear, she rolled her lower body to the side that faced away from him while she crossed her arms over her chest, successfully blocking his view of her.

He furrowed his eyebrows. Had he done something wrong? “What are you doing?”

“What are you doing,” she echoed.

He could tell that she suddenly seemed uncomfortable with what was happening. While his own insecurities threatened to creep over him, he leaned forward and placed his hands on either side of the pillow she laid on in order to establish eye contact with her. The most important part of all was whether or not she was comfortable with what they were doing. No matter what happened next: if she wanted to take a step back or even if she told him that it was all a mistake, he’d accept it. He just needed her to know how incredible she really was. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m so not,” she practically snorted. She knew she was killing the mood, but God, how could he stare at her like that—as if she was some sort of masterpiece like ‘The Birth of Venus’ or ‘Danae’?

“No,” he insisted, not even a hint of a smile or a joke on the horizon. “Jesus, Pam. You are. You really are.” He lifted his right hand to her cheek. “Let me show you. Please,” he begged. “Please, let me show you.”

There was something in his voice, some desperate desire he had to show her how he felt about her that made her nod. She slowly turned her lower body back toward him and unfolded her arms.

He started with her lips. Her slightly swollen, perfectly pink lips. How often had he dreamt about kissing them? How often had he wished he could express his love for her through that physical connection?

Next, he paid homage to her neck and collarbone. As he lightly pressed his lips to the right side, he remembered a story she once told him about how she broke her collarbone when she was a kid by jumping off a trampoline. She even pointed to the area and told him how she could still feel a bump from where it healed. She didn’t allow him to touch it then, but now, he took the time to find that little spot. 

And she was right.

There was a small little indention followed by a little lump on her left side.

The moment he kissed it, Pam remembered that she told him that story nearly three years ago. Jim had only been with Dunder Mifflin for a few weeks when they talked about it.

He really remembered that?

The next place he stopped at on his journey to convince her how perfect she was, was her breasts. He couldn’t immediately recall any memories or stories about them, but God, he had spent many a shower wondering what it would feel like to drag his tongue across one nipple while he massaged the other one.

Next came her flat stomach and the perfect curvature that encapsulated her hips. He didn’t want to think too far into the future at that moment. After all, he had no clue what would happen mere seconds from now, let alone years down the road, but as he slowly kissed a trail down to her navel, he allowed himself to dream about a pregnant Pam Halpert and how devastatingly beautiful she’d be.

He ran his fingers down the length of her thighs until he stopped at her right kneecap. He gently lifted her knee and adjusted her foot so that it was pressed onto the mattress underneath her. He lightly traced her knee with his left index finger before he leaned forward and pressed his lips against it.

When he looked up into her eyes, he knew he didn’t need to say a word. She knew exactly why he kissed that spot.

If her entire body hadn’t been so completely aroused by that point, Pam would have smiled. About six months into Jim’s employment with Dunder Mifflin, there had been an ice storm in Scranton. While everyone else managed to successfully slide their way into their cars in order to get home before the storm got worse, Pam slipped and fell as her right knee instantly collided with the icy pavement. Jim was by her side in an instant and helped her get back to her feet before they retreated back into the office. He went in search for the first aid kit while Pam tried to clean the wound. As she placed a Band-Aid on her knee, she told him that she knew the gash would leave a scar. He told her that if it did, she could choose to remember something pleasant about the day instead of the fall itself. He reminded her that he had been successful in his attempt to encapsulate Dwight’s calculator in jello that morning.

It was the first time he had ever pulled that particular prank.

While memorable, it wasn’t the first memory that came to Pam’s mind.

No, the first memory that came to her mind was the fact that he had offered her his arm to cling onto as they navigated their way back into the building. She thought about how concerned he seemed about her minor injury and how he took the time to help her patch it up instead of leaving her behind like everyone else did.

It was the first time she had to remind herself that she was engaged to someone else.

Lost in the memory of that day, Pam didn’t realize that she had subconsciously raised her other leg. It wasn’t until she felt his tongue pressed against her clit that Pam came careening back to reality.

Holy fuck.

She gasped at the contact. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised, but— _holy shit_ —he knew exactly what to do and where to do it. God. It took Roy several years to figure out where to please her, and even when he did, he didn’t really know what to do or how to stimulate her. Jim, on the other hand, made a beeline directly toward that area and— _holy shit_ —he definitely didn’t need any guidance on what to do when he got there.

When Pam arched her body in response, Jim smirked as he looked up at her. There was no trace of self-consciousness anywhere near her. Good. This is what he wanted. He wanted to see her just like this—without a single care or concern in the world. He wanted her to feel good, really good. He wanted her to remember this moment for the rest of her life.

Cause God knew he was going to.

Pam’s breathing became labored as Jim focused on bringing her complete and absolute pleasure. She moaned when he dipped a finger inside of her.

He didn’t think it was possible, but he became even harder at the sound. God. As badly as he wanted to spend all night pleasuring every square inch of her, he wasn’t entirely sure how much longer he could wait.

As he slipped a second finger into her, he licked her once more. Pam bucked from underneath him. It felt so good—too good. She could feel her desire building. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she came, but she wanted her first orgasm with him to be while he was inside of her.

Another wave of pleasure overcame her at the very idea.

“Jim, please,” she managed to beg between breathy sighs.

He lifted his head. Did she say something? “What?”

His lust-filled rumble sent another ripple through her. “I want…I need…” Fuck. She couldn’t form a complete thought at the moment, let alone an actual sentence. Somehow, she managed to sit up and get on her knees. She cupped his face with both hands and brought his lips to hers. She quickly lowered her hands to the waistband of his shorts and pulled them and his boxers down before she pulled him down on top of her. “Now,” she commanded as she wrapped her legs around his hips.

There was so much more he wanted to do, but when she said ‘now’ in that breathless command, he couldn’t deny her any longer.

The entire world spun for Pam as he slowly entered her. She had never felt more alive in her entire life. It was perfect. This moment more than made up for the months of confusion, pain, and longing she felt for the man above her. When he began to move inside her, all thoughts and feelings melded together into one simple refrain: _‘I love you.’_

Jim pressed his lips against her shoulder as he quickened his pace. He peppered a trail of kisses along her neck as he tried to think of something—anything—in order to make it last as long as possible. He tried to think about how horrible the Phillies were this year. He tried to think about the time his brothers took turns hitting him with a wiffle bat when he was five. He even tried to think about Dwight for half a second, but it didn’t work. None of it worked because he was with her.

As her breathing labored, he knew she was close. He only needed to make it last that long because—God help him—he was going to make damn sure she enjoyed it.

Pam dug her fingernails into Jim’s shoulders as she cried out in pure ecstasy. A fraction of a second later, she felt his own eruption as he gripped her hip with one hand and grabbed the corner of the mattress with the other. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder as he tried to catch his breath.

As his heart rate slowly turned back to normal, he curled up next to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

As they both closed their eyes, Jim buried his face in her hair before he pressed a few kisses to the back of her neck.

_‘God, I love you.’_


	6. Tell Me What You Want From Me

When she drove to Stamford, she never intended for any of this to happen. She never thought it would get that far. The most she could have hoped for was to have her friend back, but as the sun’s rays seeped through the blinds in Jim’s bedroom, Pam realized that she never once prepared herself for this.

In fact, after that first kiss, they said very little. At the time, they didn’t need to. Their bodies simply reacted to one another. One look from him spoke volumes and she suspected he felt the same way.

Afterward, they were both too spent and too content to discuss the ramifications of their actions. Instead, they slept for about an hour until they woke up and promptly fell back under the spell of the crescent moon.

The morning light quickly sobered her up. What remained was everything they hadn’t said. And now, thanks to her inability to control her inhibitions, they had even more to discuss.

She looked at him for a long moment before she reluctantly climbed out of his bed. As she began to search for her bra and underwear, she began to fully understand what the phrase ‘the harsh light of morning’ meant.

But what would it mean for them?

After she fastened her bra, she turned to face his sleeping form once more. She chewed on her bottom lip as she replayed the last twelve hours of her life.

God.

What the hell were they supposed to do now?

* * *

Jim furrowed his eyebrows as the sunlight forced him to wake from the best night of sleep he had in a very long time. He rolled over, desperate for just a few more minutes of bliss. As he clutched onto the pillow next to him, he slowly inhaled.

Honey and lavender.

_Pam._

His eyes snapped open. She wasn’t nestled next to him. In fact, she wasn’t even in the room. Jim sat up as he looked for any shred of evidence that indicated that last night wasn’t just a dream. When he finally spotted the pajama pants he lent her on his bedroom floor, he relaxed.

He slowly exhaled he laid back down. Last night wasn’t a dream. She was actually there. They actually did that—three times. He smiled at how content—how happy—he was when he drifted off to sleep with her curled up next to him.

His brief moment of reflection faded when another thought hit him: if last night was real—and given the amount of evidence, it definitely had been—where did she go?

He quickly climbed out of bed and only thought to slip on a pair of boxers before he practically sprinted from his room. The bathroom door was open, but he didn’t hear the shower running, so he knew she wasn’t in there. He practically slid down the stairs as he wondered if she really left without saying anything to him.

No.

That would be impossible.

That wasn’t Pam.

She wouldn’t have left without saying anything, right? 

He didn’t have to wonder long. He sprinted through the living room, growing increasingly frantic until he skidded to a halt when he finally found her seated at the island in his kitchen. Her back was turned toward him, so—thankfully—she didn’t see the panic-stricken look on his face. In fact, he wondered if she heard him at all since she didn’t acknowledge him.

Jim took advantage of her obliviousness by allowing himself to take a few deep breaths while he tried to figure out his next move. As he slowly inhaled, he noticed that she had slipped her work clothes back on. She had also pulled her hair back with the barrette she discarded the night before. She even had her shoes on.

When he saw her shoes, he knew that she wasn’t planning on staying for much longer. 

The realization hit him like a ton of bricks.

While he wanted nothing more than to spend the entire weekend with her, he knew it would do more harm than good to begin their conversation by begging her to stay. So, he did what he knew best: he tried to joke about it. “So, am I the furthest you’ve ever traveled for a booty call or…” He slowly trailed off when she turned around to look at him. The moment he saw the dazed look in her eye, he knew he had interrupted her train of thought.

Upon reflection, he realized that it probably wasn’t the best way to announce his presence, but he was off his game—for good reason. The last several hours had challenged everything he thought he knew when it came to Pam Beesly.

It took Pam a moment to comprehend what he said. When she finally did, she gave him a small smile. “Yeah. I mean…I’m not used to driving five hours for it.” She waited a beat. “The least you could do is offer to fill my car up before I leave.”

Jim lifted his eyebrows. “Oh is that so, Beesly?”

She wrinkled her nose. “Come on…it’s the least you could do.”

Playful. She was being playful with him. She didn’t seem repulsed or regretful. She was actually teasing him. That had to be a good sign, right? “How about we talk about how I can make it up to you over breakfast? I know a great little diner a few blocks away.”

“I know you’re living at the beach now and that dress codes might be slightly more relaxed, but…” she gestured at his appearance, “I’m not sure I want to go somewhere that doesn’t care if you have pants on. I mean…it’s gotta be a health code violation, right?”

He looked down at himself. He was only clad in his underwear. Pam was fully clothed and he only wore his boxers. Even though they shared so much with one another the night before, Jim couldn’t help the sudden rush of vulnerability he felt at the realization. “Give me five minutes to put on some clothes.”

Pam’s smile slowly fell. “Actually, that’s probably not a good idea.” Her gaze fell to the ground. “I have plans this afternoon and if I don’t leave within the next half hour, I won’t have enough time to drive home and get ready.”

“Oh.” Jim couldn’t mask the sound of disappointment in his tone. He secretly hoped that he’d be able to convince her to stay the day, the weekend, perhaps even forever. The fact that they only had minutes left with one another made him anxious.

Pam detected the disappointment in his tone. “I’m glad you’re up. I was…sort of hoping we’d be able to talk before I…” She looked back up at him. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

Jim ran his fingers through his hair. “I wish you would have.” He noticed the mug that sat in front of her. “Did you make coffee?”

She nodded. “Yeah…I hope that’s ok. There’s plenty left.”

“Yeah…no. Make yourself at home.” When he was met with silence, he walked over to the cabinet next to the sink and pulled out a mug. He knew they had to talk. He was glad that she was the one to mention it because that meant that she wasn’t going to sweep it under the rug. He just had no idea where the conversation would lead them. 

Pam watched how the muscles on his back tightened as he poured himself a cup of coffee. She had been up for nearly an hour and wasn’t anywhere closer in figuring out what their next step should be. She hoped that they could somehow figure it out together.

She waited until he stood across from her on the other side of the island before she spoke. “Do you want to sit?”

“I’m ok right now.” He knew that it would be more awkward with him standing instead of sitting, but he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to sit still through a conversation of this magnitude. She seemed so poised, so practical. It felt as if last night had never happened.

She nodded. “Ok.” She folded her arms over her chest. “First off…I want you to know that I didn’t drive here to…I didn’t think that we would…” Shit. Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t she speak her mind to the one person who would never judge her for it? She cleared her throat. “I hated the way we left things on Casino Night.”

He nodded. They were on the same page there. “Me too.”

She took a deep breath. “And…then you left.”

He nodded once more.

She stared at him for several seconds as she mulled over her next words. She knew she had to be honest with him or else this wouldn’t go anywhere. “And you didn’t tell me.”

Jim was slightly taken aback. He half expected for them to dance around the subject for several minutes, but as he met her gaze, he realized that there was so much more that needed to be said and only thirty minutes to say it in. There was no use in delaying the inevitable. “I had to.”

Pam furrowed her eyebrows. She wasn’t expecting that. “Why?”

“Because I knew if I told you…you’d ask me to stay.”

“And would that have been so terrible?”

“Yes,” he answered honestly. “I was…drowning back there, Pam. Every day, I had to hear about the wedding and…I don’t blame you. I mean…it was your wedding. You had every right to be excited about it and I was excited for you…but at the same time…it killed me to sit there and watch you plan it. And after you found out that I was the one who complained to Toby…even though it wasn’t actually a complaint…I figured that…that if I left, maybe…in the long run…it would be better for both of us.”

“After that night.” She looked down at the mug. As the steam drifted up toward the ceiling, she shook her head. “You told me that you were in love with me…a-and you kissed me…and then you just left.”

“You shot me down,” he quickly reminded her. “Twice…might I add. Pam, what else was I supposed to do?” 

“Wait,” she immediately answered. 

“I did wait. Pam, I sat there and I waited for three years. Every day, I woke up thinking: ‘Maybe today will be the day. Maybe she’ll realize that she’s with the wrong guy.’ By the time I told you how I felt, I already promised myself that if you said no…if you still wanted to marry him…I’d leave.” He waited until she looked up at him before he continued: “The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do…was walk away from you that night.”

She sat there in silence for several moments as his words reverberated through her. She blamed herself for most of it. At the time, she thought it would be easier if she ignored everything. She acted like she hadn’t heard the truth about his crush from Michael. She pretended not to notice the way he looked at her. Worst of all, she constantly forced herself to deny any feelings she had for the man who stood in front of her.

She was scared.

And to be honest, she still was.

It took her a month to get here, and while she knew she’d never regret what they did, in retrospect, she knew that they should have discussed all of this before, because now, if they couldn’t figure it out, she wasn’t entirely sure how she’d proceed with her life. Was she supposed to pretend that it never happened—that she didn’t know what it felt like to have him inside of her? She tucked her bangs behind her ears before she placed her hands on either side of the mug. “When I found out that you…” She stared at the dark liquid inside of her cup before she cleared her throat. “I realized that there was a very real chance that I’d never see you again. And, it sucked, Jim. It really did.” She nervously tapped her fingers against the mug as she forced herself not to look up at him. She knew if she did, she’d never be able to get the words out. “I couldn’t stop thinking about that night. Everything we said…what happened…just all of it. A few days later, I broke it off with Roy. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to me. I mean,” she shrugged, “How could I marry someone I wasn’t in love with?” She chewed on her bottom lip. “That part sucked too.”

“I’m sorry.” He meant it. He never wanted her to get hurt or be forced to deal with the aftermath of ending a decade long relationship days before her wedding all on her own. 

She brought the mug to her lips and took a sip. She knew she was unloading a lot on him in a very short amount of time. The least she could do was offer a small anecdote. “They wouldn’t give us back the deposit on the food. The pizza we had last night was the first time I had something other than chicken or fish for the last few weeks.” When he smirked, she gave him a small smile. “So, what about you? You moved to Stamford. You’re right by the beach. That’s got to be nice.”

“It is,” he nodded. “It’s…different, but it’s been nice.”

“And work?”

“Work’s…good. How’s Scranton? The office?” He slowly sipped his coffee.

“Crazier than ever,” she confessed with a smirk. “Michael kissed Oscar yesterday.”

Jim nearly spit out his drink at the news. “I’m sorry. He what?”

She nodded as a grin slowly spread across her lips. “He did. He found out that Oscar was gay and in an effort to prove that it didn’t bother him and that it wasn’t a big deal, he kissed him in the middle of a conference meeting.”

“Oh my God,” he chuckled. “And that was yesterday?”

She nodded. “I guess…in a way…it was one reason why I ended up here.”

“You came here to tell me that Michael kissed Oscar?”

“Well, after I got over the initial shock, I thought about you…how you’d react if you actually saw it. I wanted to call, but…I didn’t…I guess for the same reason why I haven’t been able to call you for the last four weeks. I wasn’t sure where to begin and it’s…not something I wanted to talk about over the phone…at work of all places.” She waited a beat. “So, after work, I got in my car and I ended up here.” 

“I’m glad you did.”

She nodded. “Me too.” She sat her mug down. “But…what happens now? I mean…was this a…a one time kind of thing or…”

“’Or’,” he quickly responded. “It’s definitely an ‘or’ for me." 

She was happy that he didn’t want to write last night off as a one-time thing, but there were still a lot of things they needed to figure out. “So, how is it going to work?”

“I could move back,” he offered.

“Michael gave Ryan your old job. There’s not an opening at the branch right now.”

He shrugged. “So? I don’t have to work at Dunder Mifflin, Pam.”

She frowned. Obviously, she wanted him to be closer, but his offer didn’t sit right with her. “No, you don’t, but…you just got this job. It’s a good career move for you. I can’t let you give it up for me.”

“It wouldn’t be me giving it up.”

She pinned him with a look. “Jim…even if that were true…I couldn’t…that’s a lot of pressure. What if…what if it doesn’t work out? I don’t want you to regret giving up this opportunity for me.”

“I’m not going to regret a single second of this,” he assured her. Honestly, he couldn’t see another alternative that wouldn’t end in complete disaster. However, he was more than willing to listen to any suggestion she might have. “What do you have in mind?”

“I don’t know.” She thought about it for a moment. “I mean we could just…take it slow…with you being in Stamford and me in Scranton.”

It wasn’t ideal. It definitely wasn’t his first choice. He wanted to be with her in the same city, whether it was Scranton, Stamford, or somewhere else entirely. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to let her go in a few minutes, let alone how to navigate the complications that would inevitably arise from being away from one another most of the time. Before he could stop himself, he questioned: “A long distance relationship?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe…maybe we could take it a little slower than that.” She looked back down at the countertop. It seemed stupid considering what they did the previous night, but Pam didn’t want to rush into this—not with him. “You know…I’m only one month removed from a relationship that lasted almost a decade. I don’t want to risk what this could be by…jumping into something before I’m really ready for it.” She bit the inside of her cheek. “Maybe the distance would help with that…help to slow things down.” When she looked back up at him, she noticed how confused he seemed. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. “I was thinking that maybe we could see each other on the weekends or something? I could come here. Maybe you could come to Scranton sometime?” She couldn’t tell what he was thinking: if this was a completely stupid idea or if he was upset by her desire to take things slowly. “Or maybe we should just...take some more time…try to figure out if this is something worth…worth pursuing.”

He thought about it for a long moment. “No,” he finally determined. “I don’t need to take any more time to figure it out. You’re right.” The urge to go to her, to beg her to stay nearly overwhelmed him, but she was right. She just broke up with Roy. She hadn’t said anything about it, but he was certain that she was still dealing with the ramifications of calling off her wedding days before the event. The last thing Jim wanted was for Pam to wake up one day and realize that he was nothing more than a rebound or that she regretted how quickly she jumped from one relationship to the next. “I don’t want to mess this up,” he confessed.

Even though the thought of taking things slowly with Pam while she was two and a half hours away scared the shit out of him, he was more than willing to try to make it work. It was better than the alternative. “Let’s take it slow.” He took a sip of coffee before he spoke once more. “Why don’t you stay for a few more hours? I know you have plans, but I could…take you out on a date?”

The corners of Pam’s lips curled up into a small smile. “I wish I could, but I promised Kelly I’d go shopping with her this afternoon.”

Jim furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re hanging out with Kelly?”

Pam nodded as she chuckled. “Shocking, right?” She didn’t completely understand her friendship with Kelly, either. All she knew was that she had been so grateful for her over the last several weeks. As her life slowly crumbled, Kelly was one of the few people who had been there for her and who actually listened to her. “She’s been…a really good friend. We actually became friends because of you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she sighed. “She told me that you were her best guy friend in the office and she knew how close we were, so…” she shrugged. “She started asking me for advice about Ryan and when…after I broke up with Roy, she was there for me.”

“I’m glad.” Admittedly, Jim never thought he and Kelly would become friends, but they bonded over their respective unrequited loves while he worked in Scranton. Of course, Kelly never knew the details of his situation and surprisingly, she never once asked. Over time, they became close, and while he was frustrated over the fact that she never once took his advice when it came to Ryan, she became like a sister to him. He was more than thankful that Kelly had been able to be there for Pam when he couldn’t be.

“Yeah.” 

Jim looked at Pam as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat. He could tell that there was something she wasn’t telling him. “What is it?”

Pam didn’t say anything as her gaze slowly fell to the mug in front of her. 

“Pam?” He waited a beat. “Look, this isn’t going to work unless we’re completely honest with one another.”

“I…um…well, the reason why we’re…why we’re going shopping today is because Kelly thought I…needed some new clothes…work and otherwise.”

He wasn’t sure exactly where this was headed. “Ok…”

“And um…the reason why we’re going today is because…I…um…I promised Kelly and Ryan that I’d go out with them.”

It took Jim a moment to realize what she wasn’t saying. At first, he wasn’t sure what the big deal was if the three of them were hanging out, but as Pam began to fidget with the handle of the coffee mug, a sinking feeling hit the pit of his stomach. “Just Kelly and Ryan…or…”

Pam winced. “Or.”

“Oh.” He tried to sound indifferent, but he knew it would be impossible. Pam had a date—with someone else. After last night, after their conversation, after everything, she had a date with someone who wasn’t him.

“Yeah.” She felt awful about it, but she agreed to it a few days ago, long before she ever ended up on his doorstep. What was she supposed to do?

It was as if Jim could read her thoughts, because the next words out of his mouth were: “Cancel it.”

Pam frowned. “I can’t. I promised her last week that I’d go. It’s not…it’s one date…a group date at that. It’s basically just me hanging out with Kelly and Ryan…and Kelly’s neighbor, Alan. I mean…would you even really consider that a date?”

“You’re double dating with Kelly and Ryan?” This time Jim didn’t even try to mask the incredulous tone in his voice. “Pam, I’m really not comfortable with this.”

“What am I supposed to tell Kelly?”

“Uh…why can’t you tell her the truth? That we’re…”

She looked up at him. “That we’re what, Jim? We just agreed to take it slowly." 

“I didn’t think that meant that we could see other people. Pam, the odds are already stacked against us. We’re starting something while we live in two different states. Thinking about you going on a date with someone else is…I can’t. I can’t do it.”

“I’m not exactly thrilled about it, either,” she defended. “I’ve been trying to come up with excuse after excuse for the last two weeks, but she told me on Thursday that it was all set up.”

“So? Tell her to unset it up. Tell her that we’re…that we’re…going out that night.”

He had every right to be upset. She’d be upset if the situation were reversed, but the stakes were too high to risk it all on a few hours that wouldn’t amount to anything in the long run. “There are two problems with that.”

“What?" 

“I don’t…while we’re…at least until we figure out what we’re…I don’t want the office to know.” She expected Jim to balk at that, but when he didn’t react, she continued. “You know how they are. They’re going to interfere and it’ll become this big deal and…and with that will come all of this added pressure and…you know how Michael is. He’s going to have our entire lives planned out before we even go on our first date.” She knew it sounded insane, but she had to make him see that in the long run, it would be their best shot at making this work. “I know it seems ridiculous, but I feel like keeping this between us…at least for a little while…is the lesser of two evils. Jim, I don’t want to go out with this guy. If I knew Kelly would back off, I would give her any excuse in the world, but it’s…it’s just dinner…with Kelly and Ryan.”

This was going to be a disaster. He knew it would be, but she made a good point. He knew exactly how Michael would react if he found out. Without him there, Jim knew his former boss would constantly badger Pam about their relationship, not to mention the fact that Jim knew everyone else would wonder if he played a role in Pam’s breakup with Roy.

_Roy._

That was something they needed to consider in all of this as well. Roy still worked in the warehouse. The last thing he wanted was for Roy to get involved and Jim knew that if Roy knew they were dating, especially so soon after the breakup, he would assume that Pam had been cheating on him, and that would cause even more drama.

Shit.

This was a horrible idea—perhaps worse than laying bacon out on a George Foreman grill all night long—but he wasn’t about to force her to face all of it on her own. Not when the alternative was just a few hours of hanging out with Kelly, Ryan, and some other guy.

“What’s the other problem?”

She looked up at him. “You’re going to be in Philadelphia next weekend.” She waited a beat. “The conference? Michael and Dwight are going to be there and Michael’s already told me that he plans to, and I quote ‘hit the bars with Jimbo and be each other’s wingmen all weekend long’.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “So, you tell me. Which is worse: me having dinner with three other people or you bar hopping and picking up girls all weekend long with Michael and Dwight?”

“Oh, that’s easy, because I’m not going to do any of that.”

“I don’t think you have much of a say in the matter. Michael has it all planned out. He’s even going to throw a party in his hotel room.” She spun the nearly empty mug around on the counter. “He really misses you, you know.”

“Yeah, well…I’m going to spend the entire weekend wishing he had brought you instead of Dwight.”

She snorted as she continued to spin the mug around. “Yeah, I’d totally be a better wingwoman than Michael or Dwight.”

“That’s not what I meant.” He walked around the island in order to close the space between them. He gently turned her away from the counter in order to face him. When he crouched down in front of her, she finally met his gaze. “Come to Philadelphia after your…date. We could go out…just the two us. It can be our first date.”

“I don’t think Michael is going to let you out of his sight all weekend and besides…Dwight is like a bloodhound. He’ll figure out I was there.”

“But you forget that I’ve mastered the art of deceiving Dwight. All it takes is a little misdirection.”

“How about instead of going to Philadelphia next weekend, I come here the weekend after?”

He sighed. Two weeks without her? How was he going to survive? “Two weeks?”

She nodded. “That way we won’t have to spend the entire time looking over our shoulders. We can just…be us.”

“Us,” he echoed before he slowly smiled. “I like the sound of that.”

She returned his smile with one of her own. “Me too.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I get to add another tag to the story description. ;)


	7. Come Back to Heaven

Pam wasn’t sure how she managed to get through an entire afternoon with Kelly without telling her everything that happened the night before. Even though she and Kelly had gotten a lot closer over the last month, she was still Kelly and no matter how badly she wanted to talk to someone about what happened with Jim, Pam knew that if she told Kelly, the entire office would know before Monday morning.

It wasn’t that Kelly was malicious. She simply loved to share news and this particular development would have definitely sent Kelly into a tailspin.

So, Pam remained quiet—even as Kelly cooed about their upcoming double date.

The prospect of going out with someone who wasn’t Jim seemed even less appealing than it did the week before. The entire time she was trying clothes on, Pam wondered how Jim would react if he saw her in that particular outfit. She also couldn’t help but to imagine how it would look crumpled on the floor of his bedroom.

As certain as she was that taking it slow with Jim was the right decision, she couldn’t help but to miss him more than she thought possible while she drifted through the weekend. She hoped that the upcoming week would distract her from the situation, but after she stepped into the office Monday morning, she realized that being there only made her miss him more.

She hated that it took her so long to realize what she wanted and to actually pursue it. Had she realized it sooner, maybe he would have never left Scranton and maybe they’d be able to date in a more conventional way. Then again, as the days slowly passed, she realized that if he were actually in Scranton, they certainly wouldn’t be able to take things slow.

It was difficult, but they both agreed that while they were at work, they wouldn’t communicate with one another. They knew that HR, IT—or worse—Michael could read their emails and instant messages at any time. They also knew that it would raise suspicion if they found themselves constantly texting one another during office hours.

Pam was convinced that the first week would never end.

As Friday neared, her anxiety began to increase. Jim would be in Philadelphia at the convention with Dwight and Michael all weekend and she had a date. She knew that Michael had a wild weekend planned for himself, Dwight, and Jim, but she wasn’t worried about what they would get into. She and Jim had spoken to one another every night since she left Stamford and with every conversation, she became more and more convinced that even though this was the craziest idea she ever had, it would be worth it.

She only hoped Jim felt the same way.

* * *

Pam pretended to be as excited as Kelly was about their double date that evening, but her heart just wasn’t in it. The whole thing felt wrong. Even though Jim knew about it, even though they agreed that this would be the lesser of two evils, it still didn’t feel right.

Kelly’s excitement seemed to be contagious for everyone else in the office. Several of Pam’s co-workers offered her unsolicited advice on what to do and what not to do on a first date. For the most part, Pam completely tuned them out because there was no way she was going to sleep with the guy, but some of the advice she received—like how her body language reflected her level of interest and how it didn’t really matter what she wore but how she wore it—she filed away for the future.

Because some day, she hoped she’d end up on a first date with someone she was actually interested in.

As Kelly continued to gush about the upcoming evening, Michael, who had been preparing to head to Philadelphia for the convention, overheard the pair. He promptly offered his own piece of sage advice, for which Pam immediately ignored. There was no way in hell she’d wear her wedding gown on a date—joke or not.

When she informed her boss that she would be wearing the same thing she wore to work that morning, despite the fact that she and Kelly spent several hours at the Steamtown Mall shopping on Saturday afternoon, he told her to at least to unbutton her shirt a little bit.

_Jesus._  

Jim was definitely in for a more interesting weekend than she was.

“Any message you want me to relay to Jim?”

Michael’s sudden question caught her off guard. She had been thinking about Jim all day. Hell, she had been thinking about him non-stop since she left Stamford Saturday morning, but the message that immediately came to her mind was one in which she couldn’t exactly relay to her boss. So, she tried to think of something else—something platonic—something that would fly under her boss’s radar but would send a clear message to Jim that she was, in fact, going to hate every moment of the evening that laid ahead of her. “Um…”

“Um. Ok.” He glanced at Dwight. “Um.”

“Um,” Dwight smiled.

Michael chuckled. “You got that?”

“I got it.”

As the pair mimicked Pam’s attempt at a comment, the receptionist sighed. She was too anxious to get upset or annoyed by their antics. She was envious—incredibly envious that in a few short hours, Michael and Dwight would get to see Jim and she’d be stuck in Scranton, preparing for a date that—she prayed—wouldn’t end in complete disaster.

* * *

He didn’t want to be in Philadelphia. He didn’t want to be in Stamford. He wanted to be wherever she was and where she was at that exact moment was at the office in Scranton. He wanted to barge in and announce that they were—well, they were a still a little undefined as to what they were—but he wasn’t about to get hung up on that this weekend. All he knew was that he didn’t want to sneak around and he definitely didn’t want her to go out with someone else.

He brooded about the entire ordeal during the entire drive to Philadelphia. He knew once he and Josh linked up with Michael and Dwight, he’d be forced to act as normal as possible. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to spend the entire weekend with his former boss? He knew Michael would distract him, and in order to survive the next several hours, he knew a distraction was exactly what he needed.

He glanced down at this phone as he and Josh wandered into the hotel lobby. He wasn’t expecting her to call or text him until later that night, but he still hoped to discover a message that told him that she managed to get out of it or that she changed her mind and was headed toward Philadelphia. Hell, she only had to say the word and he’d find a way to get out of that hotel and on the road back to Scranton—back to her.

Only, she hadn’t called or texted.

He was mildly disappointed, but not surprised. She was still at work and they had established the ‘no contact at work’ rule for a reason.

But damn, he wished he could see her. The last six days felt like an eternity and he knew the next eight would seem infinitely longer.

He knew he needed to channel his focus on doing his job. This wasn’t a weekend retreat. They were there to form relationships with different distributors and potentially add some new products to their catalog while also striving to become the sole provider of some of the more exclusive companies that would be in attendance.

When he checked into his room, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He smiled the moment he saw her message: _‘I know we said we wouldn’t talk until tonight, but good luck. I know you’re going to be great in your meetings.’_

After he got his room key, Jim looked back down at his phone while Josh finished his registration. As he was about to type out a response to Pam, he heard Josh say, “Hey Michael.”

Jim looked up and smiled when he saw Michael and Dwight standing in line behind them.

Michael tried his best to smile at the Stamford manager. “Hey Josh. How are you doing?”

As the men shook hands, Jim slid his phone into his pocket and walked toward them.

“Pretty good,” Josh smiled. “How are you doing? Good to see you.”

Michael looked behind Josh at Jim and immediately pointed at him. “There he is. There’s the traitor.” He looked around the entire lobby to make sure everyone heard him loud and clear. “Traitor! Traitor!” He grinned despite the resentment he still felt by Jim’s sudden departure. He immediately leaned forward and gave him a bear hug. “Come here, you. Come here!”

Jim awkwardly hugged his former boss back. Pam had informed him that Michael was having a difficult time with his sudden departure, and while Jim wasn’t about to do any of the things Pam warned him that Michael planned to do that weekend, Jim did want to clear the air in regards to the real reason why he accepted the position in Stamford.

As the group made their way toward the elevator, he couldn’t resist telling Dwight how much he missed him. When Dwight shrugged him off, Jim smirked. Maybe the weekend wouldn’t be so bad. He definitely needed to figure out a way to prank his former nemesis.

As they waited for the elevator to reach the bottom floor, Jim pulled out his cell phone and typed out a response to Pam.

Damn, he wished she were there.

* * *

The day was flying by and Jim was more than grateful for it. He knew it had to be nearing 5:00. He wasn’t sure what time her date was, nor had he asked. He didn’t want to know. He knew that if he knew the exact time, he’d find himself staring at his watch, counting down the seconds until it was finally over. He knew it was just dinner, but he didn’t know where it was at or how formal it would be.

When he and Josh bumped into Michael and Dwight once more, Jim relaxed. Maybe with Michael there to distract him, at least for a few minutes, he wouldn’t think about her.

He figured out early on that one reason why Michael seemed so antagonistic with Josh was because he had transferred to Stamford, but when Michael convinced his new boss to participate in a paper airplane contest, Jim began to wonder if Michael’s animosity extended beyond that. He knew that Michael had always been less than friendly with Josh. He just couldn’t seem to figure out the real reason why.

As Michael began to fold his airplane, his cell phone rang. “Hey, Pam. What’s up?”

Jim’s ears perked up at the sound of her name. She was still at the office?

“Yeah,” Michael scoffed, “Ugh…no. Tell him I will give him general specifics on Monday, ok?” He waited a beat. “Yes.” He held up his phone to the group. “Say ‘hi’ to Pam!”

As the other two gentlemen quickly offered a greeting, Jim stared at the phone. “Hi Pam,” he finally said a beat after the others. It was the closest he had been to her all day and the urge to reach for Michael’s phone and beg her not to go on that stupid date nearly overwhelmed him.

Michael pulled his phone back to his ear. “Yes, that is Josh and Dwight and Jim.” He glanced over at the guys. “Pam says ‘hi’.” He waited a beat. “Have fun on your date.”

Jim froze. He knew what her plans were that night. He shouldn’t have been surprised by the fact that Michael knew all about it. It was a double date with Kelly and Ryan after all, but it suddenly seemed much more real now. This was actually happening. She was actually going to go out with someone who wasn’t him. He felt nauseous.

Michael nodded, oblivious to the fact that the color had drained from Jim’s cheeks. “Very good. Talk to you later. Bye.”

* * *

By some miracle, Jim made it through the last few meetings of the day without losing his mind. He also managed to get a copy of Dwight’s room key. He knew Dwight and Michael had gone out to dinner, so by Jim’s estimate, he had about an hour to prank his former co-worker.

Only when Jim opened the door, he realized that Dwight’s room was not vacant. He didn’t get a look at her face, but when he heard her say “D”, Jim backtracked and quickly left the room.

Dwight hired a prostitute? It was surprising, to say the least. He grinned as he pulled out his phone to text Pam, but quickly realized that it was after 7:00. She was probably on her date by now.

His smile had completely vanished by the time he reached the elevator. “Shit,” he muttered after he pressed the down arrow.

* * *

It took Pam less than a minute to regret not coming clean with everyone about what happened between her and Jim last weekend. Even though their relationship status was a little unclear and they had yet to go out on a date, she knew what she didn’t want—and that was to go out with anyone else. While she tried to maintain—what had to be—one of the most awkward conversations she had ever had in her life, Kelly and Ryan unknowingly made it infinitely more uncomfortable as Kelly fed Ryan French—er, freedom—fries the entire time.

The dinner might have only lasted an hour, but it was by far the longest date Pam had ever been on—and that included the time Roy left her at a hockey game.

She didn’t think it was possible, but their parting was even more awkward than the date. She could tell Alan expected something more, perhaps—at the very least—an offer for another date, but Pam wasn’t about to give him an opening to ask. She acted as pleasant as she possibly could while she wished him a good night, but when he didn’t take the hint that the date was over, she mumbled something about stopping by the bathroom before she headed home. Without giving him a moment to respond, she spun around and marched in the opposite direction of the exit in order to avoid any sort of ‘goodnight’ kiss.

She waited five minutes before she emerged from the women’s room and headed straight for her car.

She considered calling Jim while she drove back to her apartment. She knew he’d probably be out somewhere with Michael and Dwight. They agreed that he’d call her around midnight to check in, but it was only barely past 8:00. There was no way she’d be able to wait four more hours.

When she entered her apartment, Pam sighed. It had been a hell of a day on top of the longest week of her life. As she began to change out of her work clothes, she thought about the fact that she wouldn’t be able to see Jim for another eight days.

She had barely taken her cardigan off before she realized that eight days was eight days too long.

She chewed on her bottom lip as she went to her closet and pulled out an overnight bag. It was the second time in the last seven days that she made a completely spontaneous decision because of Jim Halpert, but at least this time, she knew exactly where she was headed.


End file.
